


I'm Sorry

by TheSaioumaShipper



Series: Truth and Lies [2]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anger, Boys In Love, Crying, Heavy Angst, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, Poison, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:01:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24517357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSaioumaShipper/pseuds/TheSaioumaShipper
Summary: Shuichi finds out Miu's plan to kill Kokichi. Now he doesn't know what to do. He can't let Kokichi die, but there's nothing he can do to stop Miu.Or is there?
Relationships: Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Series: Truth and Lies [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1856626
Comments: 17
Kudos: 139





	I'm Sorry

**Author's Note:**

> I got this idea from a YouTube comment, so have some angst. Not gonna lie, I wanted to cry after writing this. Also, I'm not good at writing class trials, so *whips and nae naes*
> 
> TW: Suicide, mentions of intrusive and suicidal thoughts

**Shuichi's POV**

Miu was going to kill Kokichi.

I had noticed she was acting strange and decided to investigate. She told me about how she was making a virtual world where we could live peacefully with no killing. To be honest, I almost believed her. But when she left the computer unattended, I searched through the files the best I could and found code that contrasted what she said. I was able to put the pieces together and realized her real plan.

Miu was going to kill Kokichi.

I ran out of the room and somehow ended up in my lab. I sat on one of the small couches, trying to process everything. Miu lied right to my face. It was times like these I wish I had Kokichi's ability to tell when someone lies. Kokichi...

The purple-haired boy popped into my brain. I felt my face begin to warm up at the image of his smiling face.

I'd be lying if I said I hadn't fallen for the little liar. I had hung out with him a few times, trying to figure out the mystery behind him. Why he lied, what he was hiding from us. When he had cut his hand, I was worried. But what was strange was that it was the most worried I'd ever been for someone and it was only a small cut.

 _'Now you'll never ever forget me for the rest of your life.'_ Those words echoed in my head and I found myself smiling. It was true. Even if we get out of here, if we never see each other again, he would always be in my heart. I only hoped a day would come where I could tell him the truth.

Another image flashed in my mind, making my heart stop. The sight of Kokichi's lifeless corpse. I didn't want that to become a reality. I didn't want to have to investigate his body or look at the Monokuma File with his cause of death.

A knock interrupted my thoughts. "Come in." A mop of purple hair popped into the room, his permanent smile plastered on his face. "Hey, Saihara-chan!" Kokichi said, walking into the room. "What is it, Kokichi?" Kokichi looked at me confused. "Are you crying?" I raised a hand to my cheek and sure enough, it was wet with my tears.

I quickly wiped them away as Kokichi walked to the couch. "What's the matter, Saihara-chan?" That nickname. I never had one before and from what I've seen, Kokichi didn't have one for anyone else. Well, a nice one. "It's nothing, just...thinking." I technically wasn't lying, but I wonder if he caught on.

Kokichi sat down next to me and leaned his head on my shoulder, smiling up at me. "Come on, Saihara-chan, you can tell me!" I looked at him for a second. Why was I being hesitant? I could just tell a small lie with some truth, get him off my tail. He couldn't know Miu was planning to kill him. Who knows what he'd do.

Noticing my silence, he placed his hand on my forearm, a concerned look on his face. "You don't have to tell me, but I want to help. I do care for you, Shuichi." My eyes widened. He called me by my given name, meaning he was serious. I looked down at the dictator. I was able to tell if he was lying for the most part. He didn't look like he was lying about this.

I thought for a second more before sighing. "Okay. As long as you don't go blabbing all this." Kokichi gasped dramatically. "Never!" I snorted and rolled my eyes. "I've just been having...thoughts. Bad thoughts." I, again, wasn't actually lying. If anything, he would think I was having thoughts of suicide, which wasn't exactly wrong either. I wanted to live and get out of here, for Kaede and everyone who died. But old habits die hard.

I felt Kokichi hook his arm around mine and snuggle into me. My face turned a shade or red. It felt nice, having him by my side and showing affection. I doubt he feels the same way I did, but I savored the moment while I could.

Then I was reminded of why I was here. Miu's plan. I knew she was too far gone, I wouldn't be able to talk her out of it. I had to do something, I couldn't let Kokichi or any of the others die. An idea popped into my head. That could stop her.

"It's okay, Saihara-chan. It's hard not to have those thoughts in a place like this." He lifted his head enough to look at me with his big, purple eyes. "But we're here for you. Including me. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here."

I was surprised. Kokichi did have a heart. He truly does care for others.

Kokichi chuckled and lifted a finger to his mouth. "Of course, don't go around telling people that. I have a reputation to uphold." I blushed when I realized I had said that out loud. Kokichi just chuckled and stood up. "I'm tired now. Wanna head back to the dorms together?"

I smiled and waved him off. "I'm gonna stay a bit longer, clear my head." I saw a flash of worry in his eyes before he smiled. "Just be safe, Saihara-chan! I would die if anything happened to you." He blew a teasing kiss before walking out, leaving me in silence.

I got up and walked to the cabinet with the poisons, looking through all of them before finding a particular one. I hid it in my jacket as I went to my dorm, locking the door behind me. I placed the bottle on the desk and sat on my bed, looking at the poison. Was I really going to go through with this?

The following day, I didn't leave my room for anything. I heard knocks of concern throughout the day, but never answered them, yelling that I was sick. Miu was planning to have us go into the virtual world later that night. I had to make a decision. Tonight.

Around 9:30, Kaito came to check on me. I stayed silent so he would think I was sleeping. After he left, I looked at the poison in front of me. I remembered there was a pen and paper in one of the desk drawers. Taking it out, I wrote two letters, one to no one in particular, the other to Kokichi.

After folding them up, I grabbed the bottle of poison and sat on my bed. The side effects said it would burn on the way down. Then, when it hit my stomach acid, the toxic chemicals would mix with any nutrients found and enter my bloodstream before slowly killing me. It was a painful death, but there was only so much I could do on short notice.

Popping the cork out, I swallowed the liquid. I only drunk half the bottle before the burning became too much. I fell to my side as the chemicals coursed through my veins, dropping the bottle on the ground with a clank.

"I wish I could have told you the truth, Kokichi..." I breathed out before the world went black.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Kokichi's POV**

Shuichi had been on my mind since last night. I was so worried when he told me about his suicidal thoughts. Of course, I could only assume they were suicidal. Unless he meant something else. Either way, it was concerning

I went to his room a few times to check on him, but he said he was sick. I knew he was lying, but I didn't want to barge in. I needed him to trust me. At least a little more than the others do.

The announcement for night time played. I was about to go check on Shuichi again when I heard a knock at my door. When I opened it, Miu stood on the other side. "Hey, you gotta come to the computer room, I got something." Before I could ask her anything else, she moved downstairs to Shuichi's room.

I watched the blonde go to his door. After she pounded on it, no one came. She tried again, but nothing. I heard her groan loudly before stomping off, probably to find someone who could get Shuichi to open the door.

Once she left, I raced down the stairs and pulled my tools out, carefully picking the lock. I heard Miu return with Kaito. They saw me and decided to wait for me to open it.

I finally heard a click and turned the doorknob, smiling. "Hello, Saihara-chan?" I walked in while the other two waited. I noticed Shuichi on the bed and saw he was sleeping. "Ah, Saihara-chan is sleeping. Can't we just leave him? He is sick after all." I heard Miu groan and walk in with Kaito. Once they laid their eyes on Shuichi, a familiar bell rang, my breathing ceased.

"A body has been discovered! Everyone, please gather in Shuichi Saihara's dorm room!" The astronaut and inventor gasped as I shook Shuichi. "Hey, Saihara-chan, this is a joke, right?" He didn't respond. I put my fingers on his neck. No pulse. "Shuichi, come on." I heard the rest of the students run in, but I was too busy.

"No. Shuichi, please." I fell to my knees as Monokuma appeared with the file, laughing about how a murder finally happened. I hadn't realized tears were in my eyes until my vision blurred. Shuichi was dead. The only person I trusted in this damn place was gone. Someone I fell for. And one of these Ultimates took him.

We began the investigation, finding a bottle of poison. It still had some of the liquid, meaning he wasn't able to drink all of it. That little clue made me realize this was suicide. I scowled, angry with myself. I knew I should have stayed with him. If only I had barged in before this.

The others began investigating elsewhere for some clues, but I stayed in Shuichi's room. This was my fault. I knew about his thoughts and left him alone. Why does this sort of thing always happen?!

I looked up at Shuichi's face. If I didn't know any better, I'd think he was sleeping. Since no one was around, I let my tears fall. I reached up and caressed his cheek. It was still warm. He hadn't died that long ago.

The announcement rang out, telling us to go to the trial grounds. As I stood up, I saw his hat on the desk. I picked it up. He used to wear it all the time before Kaede died. I never knew why he wore it, I just knew it hid his pretty eyes.

I placed the hat on my head and saw a folded piece of paper. Picking it up, I unfolded it and read it, my anger building by the second.

They will pay, all of them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We all concluded that it was suicide. But before we voted, everyone wanted to find out why he did it.

"There was nothing that would indicate the reasoning. Not a note, a clue, nothing," Maki said, biting her nail. It looked like everyone was going to give up.

"You guys did it."

Everyone looked over at me. I was still wearing Shuichi's hat, so the bill was covering my eyes. "What do you mean-" "You guys did it. You all killed Shuichi!" I couldn't bear to call him Saihara-chan. It hurt too much. "Kokichi, we already ruled it a suicide. Are you saying one of us poisoned him?"

I scowled and raised my head enough to look at Miu. "No, it was a suicide. But you guys pushed him to his limit." I pulled the note out of my pocket and held it between my index and middle fingers for everyone to see. "I found it under Shuichi's hat, if you guys had bothered to look." I began unfolding it and read it aloud.

_"To whoever finds this, I want to say I'm sorry_  
_The bullying became too much. Everyone on my back about every little thing, talking about me when I'm not around. I just couldn't take it anymore. It'd be better if I was gone. And if you're sad because you won't be able to solve future murders, you can blame yourself._  
_-Shuichi"_

I raised my head to look at everyone who looked shocked. "Bullying? We never-" "Oh, shut up, Kaito!" I yelled, crumbling the note up. "You know as well as I Shuichi would never lie about something like this, not even in death! I will admit, I'm rude to all of you and teased Shuichi, but I NEVER went too far with him! His self-esteem was low enough and you guys made it worse! He was the only person I trusted and because of you all, he's dead!"

I couldn't hold in my tears anymore. Even though I didn't say it, I knew I was just as at fault. I knew of his thoughts, something that contributed to this, and I still left him alone.

I could tell everyone was staring at me, shocked by my outburst and confession, but I was too overwhelmed to care. I don't know why they harassed him, but if they hadn't, Shuichi would be standing here with us, his beautiful eyelashes batting as I teased him flirtatiously.

"Just confess! If you really feel guilty, do him one last favor and confess, goddamn it!" "Kokichi, listen. We never bullied him." I glared back at Kaito as he spoke, about to call him a liar. But when I looked at him, I couldn't find anything that would indicate he was. "Unlike you, we actually liked Shuichi. We would never do something like that, especially knowing how low his confidence was." I growled and was about to scream again, but Monokuma's laugh stopped me.

"Correct you are! I left that fake note just to spice things up. But now you're just repeating yourselves. Plus, it looks like Kokichi will feel even more despair once he learns the truth." He giggled and had Monophanie bring over a piece of paper that had creases. When she handed it to me, I scanned over the paper, my eyes widening. "Kokichi, read it."

_"To whoever finds this, I want to say I'm sorry_  
_I didn't want to do this. But I couldn't let any of you die. When I was helping Miu, I discovered her plan to kill Kokichi. How she was going to do it, I don't know. But I couldn't let that happen. Even if you hate Kokichi, he doesn't deserve to die. I couldn't let anyone else die and this was the only thing I could think of. Please, don't blame Kokichi or Miu. This was my choice. I love you guys._  
_-Shuichi"_

My vision began to blur again as I held the note. He did this...for me? Shuichi, you goddamn idiot.

"Now that you know the truth, it's voting time! Will you make the right choice or the dreadfully wrong one?" The screen in front of me lit up and my classmates' faces appeared. I saw the pink X over Shuichi's face, but I just couldn't bring myself to press it. In the end, out of rage, I pressed the person responsible for making Shuichi decide on such a choice.

The results came back. Seven for Shuichi and one for Miu. "Alright, who's the fucker that voted for me." No one answered, but we all knew who it was. I hated Miu before, but she crossed the fucking line.

I stepped off my podium, reading the note over again. Only this time, instead of sadness, I felt anger. I tried to lunge at Miu, but I guess Gonta knew what I was doing because he grabbed me up and wouldn't let go.

I tried to get out of the entomologist's grip, but to no avail. "Kokichi needs to calm down or Gonta won't let go." "But it's her fault! It's all her fucking fault we're here! It's her fault Shuichi is dead!" Miu looked genuinely scared, but I didn't care. I kept moving around and tried biting him. Nothing.

"Kokichi, we get you're upset, but you need to breathe." "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Everyone went silent, surprised by my outburst. "You don't get it. None of you do! Shuichi was the only person who cared for me in this place! Even though I acted like an asshole and pushed everyone away, he stayed! He believed in me when no one else did!" I knew I would regret saying this later, but there was nothing I could do now. After all, I'm a liar, they probably didn't even believe my emotions, even as they laid bare in front of him.

Miu began shrinking away from the group, hoping to get away. But Maki was already behind her. "Now that the trial is done, how about you tell us, Miu. Why were you going to kill Kokichi?" She looked around at everyone. They were waiting for an answer. I had even stopped moving so I could listen.

"I just wanted out of here! I was going crazy. The world needs my inventions, my fans need me." A dark look grew in Maki's eyes and she grabbed Miu by the throat. "You're telling me you were going to get the rest of us killed for your selfish desires?! We all want out of here, but none of us have tried to kill! Shuichi died because your ego was too big for this place!"

That sounded like Miu, thinking about no one but herself. But that didn't stop my rage. Gonta was still holding me tight since he knew this would anger me. Maki pushed the blonde back and she fell on her butt, looking down in shame.

Even with my flailing, the rest left the trial grounds, Miu staying behind to think about her actions.

I had grown tired from trying to get out Gonta's hold and laid slumped over, looking at the ground as we got on the elevator. "Is Kokichi calm now?" I nodded and Gonta put me down. Himiko handed me the black ballcap and I took it, muttering a small thank you. No one said anything, to me or each other. We were still shaken up by Shuichi's death and Miu's confession.

Once the elevator came to a stop and everyone got off, I went straight to my room and slammed the door. I slide down to sit on the floor, bringing my knees to my chest and burying my face in my hands. I had so much more tears, so I just let them flow.

It's my own fault for getting attached to someone during a killing game. But I couldn't help it. Emotions were easy to conceal, but harder to keep from developing. I knew the truth of the outside world, the meteorites. I was already developing a plan to get everyone killed so they wouldn't have to suffer from the truth like me. But Shuichi just...he frustrates me so much, even in death.

I didn't know how much time past, but I heard a knock at my door. Assuming it was one of the others, I quickly wiped my tears away and stood up, putting a fake smile on my face before opening the door. But I dropped it when I saw it was Monokuma.

"What do you want?" He laughed and pulled a folded piece of paper out of his ass. I grabbed it and looked at the writing on top, recognizing it was Shuichi's handwriting. "Where did you get this?" "When I went to place the fake suicide note, there were two notes. I couldn't tell the difference at the time and just took both of them. This note didn't have anything to do with the trial, so I didn't give it. But now I have no use for it, sooo..." he made a short raspberry sound before turning and waddling away.

I closed the door and unfolded the paper, reading it quietly to myself.

_'Dear Kokichi. At least, I hope you're the one who found this._  
_If you're reading this, then you know I'm already dead. In case I didn't get the point across before, I didn't do this because of my suicidal thoughts. I had found Miu's plan to kill you and I couldn't let that happen. We only knew each other for a month. I wanted to get out of here with you and everyone, I wanted to tell you my feelings. I couldn't bring myself to and it feels wrong to you tell you in a note before I die. But I don't want to die without telling you the truth._

_I love you, Kokichi. I fell for you. Hard. I wish we could have been together. But fate can be a funny thing sometimes. I hope you get out of here alive and live. If not for everyone's sake, but for mine. I wish I could have told you in person, but I never will now. I'll keep watch over you with the others. I love you so much, Kokichi._  
_\- Shuichi'_

How many tears were in my glands, I don't know. But I started crying once again, but much harder. I didn't care if anyone heard me. I felt my heart get heavy as I let out a loud sob, falling to my knees. My nose and mouth began leaking as well, all the tears, snot, and saliva falling to the ground.

"Don't leave me, Shuichi! Please, I need you! Come back to me!" I stayed like that for what seemed like hours, probably keeping the others awake. When the tears began drying up, I took a staggering breath and a small sob squeaked out. Not bothering to go to my bed, I laid on the ground, Shuichi's hat falling off a bit.

I reached my hand out and imagined it was holding Shuichi's. I imagined he was laying next to me, his eyes closed and a sweet smile on his lips. The image made me smile too.

"I love you too, Saihara-chan."


End file.
